Saving Sergeant Benson
by losamantesclandestinos
Summary: ON HIATUS. Sequel to 'Secrets Lie in Amber.' William Lewis is back and he's got Olivia in his sights. My take on the events surrounding Beast's Obsession. Rating subject to change.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: Characters, recognizable dialogue and Beast's Obsession storyline belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. Lyrics from 'Never Tear Us Apart' by INXS. Everything else is mine.

Chapter One: **Of Hollow Men That Will Not Die**

_We could live_  
_For a thousand years_  
_But if I hurt you_  
_I'd make wine from your tears_

{_Hi, baby, I'm back._}

Bolting upright in bed, Olivia tries to calm the racing of her heart. _He's not here, he's not here, he's there. __**He can't harm you.**_

{ _That's what you think_}

God, that was one fucked up dream, she thinks as she gets out of bed, rubbing her eyes. Well, there's going to be no going back to bed now. But she's used to it. Long, long nights with very little sleep have become common since her ordeal with William Lewis and the trial. You learn to deal with jumping in your sleep, waking every couple of hours just to keep checking to see that your apartment is still secure.

Hyper-vigilance has become Olivia's best friend. Never again is she going to be caught unawares. Her pillow is less comfortable to rest on but it's better having the revolver there, just in case. Even though it did her absolutely no good last time, it gives her a little bit of security.

_My dad wants me to get a gun._

_Well, I carry a gun. And I've been assaulted. Twice._

Benson opens the kitchen cabinet and finds a half-empty bottle of red wine. It's a cabernet, her favorite, one that Rafael brought over just a couple days ago. She smiles as she thinks of him. Since the trial, they've become a lot closer. They've not slept together yet but he's giving her time. There's been a few times when they've come close but he's recognized that she's still pretty skittish and he's usually the one who puts the brakes on before they go too far.

_"You'll know when you're ready, Liv. Right now, you're not."_

_"Goddammit, Rafael, don't you fucking tell me when I'm ready and when I'm not. Stick to your fucking day job."_

_"Yell at me all you want, Olivia, but I'm not going to take advantage of you._" He'd said seriously.

But then because he's Barba, he added with a little smirk. "_At least not yet_."

He had pulled her into his arms, looked into her eyes with that intense look of his and had said, "_Liv, I can wait_."

"_I'm not made of fucking china_, _Barba_." She'd said, less heatedly this time.

"_I know_." He'd touched her chin. "_But the shadow of William Lewis makes for an uncomfortable guest, doesn't it?_"

Benson knows he's right. There are still nights she wakes up screaming; nights where her sheets are soaked with sweat. She thought they'd subside after the trial and, for a while, they did.

But lately she's been dreaming. Dreaming of Lewis standing over her, smiling weirdly, as if he knew something that she didn't. As if he was privy to something that she would sell her soul to know. She often finds herself in the bathroom in the middle of the night, dry heaving...wondering if she'll ever be okay.

Whether she'd ever be able to feel someone's hands on her body without trembling in fear.

Whether she'll ever be able to be **normal** again. Have normal relationships, have sex without the very thought of it making her cringe in horror.

She'd sighed but granted the point. He was right.

_Healing takes time, Olivia._

And they'd gone back to making out like horny teenagers, which was always fun. As it turns out, spinning arguments in the courtroom isn't the only situation where Barba is adept with the use of his tongue. And his hands. Oh god, those hands. What began as a rather peculiar friendship with undercurrents of something else has firmly turned into _something else_.

He smells of safety, of peace, home and family. Everything she's wanted and never really has had a chance to have. Because she's given her life to the job.

Occasionally, when they're working together now, she has a hard time looking at him and not thinking about the things he does to her when they're off the clock. But she's professional enough to not let it affect her work. And the twinkle that's in his eyes when he sees her knows that he is fully aware of what's on her mind.

But both of them have kept it very quiet, whatever this thing is between them. Quiet and away from the speculation and gossip of the workplace.

No need to disclose until they absolutely have to. Because neither of them are really sure what _this_ is.

But the nightmares and flashbacks? Those are a different story.

Liv resists the impulse to pour another glass of wine.

She has to be at work in several hours and she really needs to stop the drinking. It's 2 in the morning and she really needs more sleep. _But just one more sip won't hurt_, _no one will ever have to know_. Trying to shut out that nagging voice in her head, she starts to reach for a bottle of sparkling water instead. But that's not enough.

It's never enough.

So she reaches for the wine instead.

…..

_I was standing_  
_You were there_  
_Two worlds collided_  
_And they could never tear us apart_

Dressed in comfortable black pants and blouse, Olivia throws on her trench coat and walks out the door. She's decided to stop by the little coffee place on her way to work. Maybe the espresso will be strong enough to mute the smell of the cabernet still lingering on her tongue. As she locks the door, she takes one last look at the bottle on the kitchen counter.

_Don't do it, Olivia._

Walking down the street to catch a cab, her cell phone rings. It's an unknown number. Normally, she'd not pick it up but this is her work phone and it could be one of her detectives needing immediate assistance. So she clicks on **'**_**receive call**_'.

William Lewis pops up in a FaceChat.

"Morning, sunshine." He smiles. "Missed you."

{ _Did you miss me, Detective? Oh, wait...it's Sergeant now. You don't have to answer. I know you did._}

But before she could say anything, he abruptly hangs up.

_Oh, God, not again. Not **again**._

What the fuck just happened?

Throwing her coffee into the nearest garbage, she starts making a few calls and the picture quickly becomes frighteningly clear.

William Lewis is out. At least one more person is dead.

And he's gunning for her.

As she reaches for her phone to call her squad, it suddenly vibrates in her hand from another phone call. She flinches and, with great effort, tamps down the bile in her throat. What if it's Lewis again?

Looking at the ID, she's both relieved and terrified to see that it's **only** Barba.

She's going to have to tell him.

"Benson," she says, more abruptly than she intended, trying not to let the fear show in her voice.

"Liv?" Barba's voice is strained and tense. "Where are you?"

"I'm on my way to work." She says and starts to say, "Look, Barba..."

Before she could tell him, he interrupts. "Lewis. He's escaped."

"I know." She says quietly. "He called me."

"He _what_?" There's a quiet fury in his voice, an abrupt anger that he quickly controls. But there's also concern. Concern for her.

"Relax, counselor." Liv says quietly. "It wasn't anything."

"Dammit, Liv, that's _not_ nothing." Benson can tell that it's taking a great effort for Barba to control his anger. But she knows it's not anger at her. It's anger at Lewis.

_I should have killed him when I had the chance._

"What I mean is that it didn't last very long." She explains weakly.

"What did he say? Do you know where he is?" And now it's the prosecutor on the other end, firing questions like bullets.

"Rafael." Benson says firmly. "It isn't a big deal. He's just trying to shake me."

_And it's working. _But she's not going to let him see or know that. She's beaten William Lewis before, she'll do it again. But she doesn't need people treating her with kid gloves.

Especially not Rafael Barba.

"What did he say, Liv?" Barba's not going to give up but his tone is less tense.

"Only that he missed me. No big deal." She hates that there's a faint crack in her voice.

And, clearly, Barba hears it but doesn't make an issue. He knows there's nothing she hates more than to be excessively fussed over.

"Dinner tonight?" He switches gears abruptly.

"I don't know." She says. "This situation with Lewis... I need to get it under control."

"Understood." He knows when not to push. "I'll check in later. Stay safe, Liv." Despite her fear, Benson smiles faintly as she hears the concern in his voice. He has her back; he's always had her back.

Taking a deep breath, she walks into the squad room.

_Let it rain._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: **The Game's Afoot**

Disclaimer: **Recognizable dialogue and general plotline belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC. Any additions and revisions are mine.**

_Faith is seeing light with your heart when all your eyes see is darkness._

The first one to approach her is Nick.

"Liv, you okay?" He asks, face creased in concern. And, for the first time, Olivia can see the toll the last couple of years have taken on him. The youthful looking, relatively fresh faced detective from Warrants is gone. In his place is a tired man with more grey in his hair and circles under his eyes, his shoulders slightly stooped from the burden of a failed marriage.

This job, this unit – they exact a demanding price. Olivia knows this more than anyone. But she stays because who else would speak for the dead?

"I'm fine." She says abruptly, not inclined to discuss anything more than the details of his escape. She doesn't want to talk about how she feels about all of this. There's no time for that.

Her squad's waiting for her and they're all tense. The mood in the air is sharp and edgy. All of them are fully aware how dangerous William Lewis is. None of them can forget the four days of hell, poor Liz Mayer and Alice Parker.

The room is eerily quiet and still.

"Okay," she says, clearing her throat which is suddenly dry, "_everybody listen up. Here's what we have so far. At approximately 10:45 last night, William Lewis, complaining of chest pains, was transferred from Riker's to Bellevue prison ward, where all attempts to resuscitate him failed._

_Ten minutes after being declared dead, he suddenly came back to life on the gurney, and he was held overnight for observation. At some point, Lewis apparently convinces the DOC officer there to uncuff him._

_He then snaps the officer's neck. _

_Lewis was discovered missing at 8:45 this morning._"

"8:45?" Nick mutters, under his breath. "How the hell did they miss him for that long? And how did he get out?"

"_Still don't know. The nurse was found raped, hanging in the closet. Still hasn't regained consciousness._"

Benson feels that all too familiar bile rising up in her throat. She can still see Liz Mayer's body hanging, vaginal fluids and blood flowing down her white, sun-spotted body. Can still hear the moans and whimpers. The pleas to just let her die, no more, no more, no more…. With great effort, she pulls herself back into the present.

"_Her cell phone, purse, car keys all missing. We have an alert out on her vehicle – a white Camry, New York plates_."

"Might as well not even bother," Amaro grunted, "he's gonna ditch it before he even leaves the city."

Taking a deep breath, Olivia looks at Nick and Rollins, "I don't think he's going anywhere."

Seeing their confusion, she clarifies. "I don't think he's going to leave Manhattan. He called me this morning. He said he misses me."

The words taste like ash and vomit in her mouth.

"Why didn't you tell us, Liv?" Amaro asks, a little angrily.

"I'm telling you now." Liv says shortly. _Calm down, Nick, I wasn't cutting you out of the loop_.

"He's makin' it personal. He's gonna come after you again."

"Which is precisely why I have been tasked to take command of this unit." The voice that speaks is a familiar yet strange one, with an undercurrent of a faint accent. Olivia's fairly sure that she's heard it before but she can't place it. She definitely doesn't recognize the sandy hair and beard.

And just who the hell does this person think he is anyway, walking in here and taking charge of _her_ squad?

"Lieutenant Murphy?" Rollins asks in surprise.

_Oh. Now she remembers_.

"Sergeant Benson?" Murphy's not a tall man; when he comes to her, they both stand eye to eye. He's younger than she would have expected him to be but she recognizes the lines around the eyes and the mouth which make him older than he probably is.

"I'm Benson," she says curtly. _And I don't have time for this_. "What are you doing here?"

"One PP didn't tell you?" The tone in his voice is surprise but his face simply shows a weary exasperation. As if he's been through this before.

"Tell me what?"

"That's classic." Benson can tell he's barely refraining from rolling his eyes. "But that's beside the point – you can't be in charge of a manhunt when you're the target of the man you are hunting. Conflict of interest."

Benson's outraged. "But I know William Lewis better than anyone." _And you can't just walk in here and take charge of my squad._

Ah, but he can. "And I'll be relying on that."

"I don't understand." Liv says heatedly, in a low voice, so not to spark any more gossip than there would be after this exchange. "He is our suspect and this is _my_ unit." _And you don't belong here_ goes unspoken.

Murphy looks at her with a hint of sympathy but the firmness of his tone leaves no room for argument. "No longer. As of this moment, I am acting commander of SVU." _And you can deal with it or you can ship out_. _I don't have any time to deal with rogue cops. _"We're in this together."

_We're in this TOGETHER? Were YOU there when Liz Mayer was being tortured and raped in front of my eyes? Were YOU there when William Lewis was brutalizing me over and over again? Don't talk to me about being in this together. I barely fucking know you, much less trust you with my squad._

"He's been out three, maybe four hours. He's already killed a fellow officer and raped again. The department's on alert but you already know his patterns. We'll see this through until his capture."

_And then what? He goes back to prison and tries to escape again? He is not going to stop until one of us is dead. _

_But it's not going to be me._

Murphy wastes no time in taking charge of the squad. And all Benson can really do is just stand by. She's not going to fight him. Not here, not now, not in front of her people.

But One PP sure is going to get an earful.

"Rollins, I'll need a break down of his known associates, his profile, prison contacts. Anything and everything."

"We've already started on that." Rollins reassures him.

"Then finish it." He barks.

For a moment Amanda looks like she wants to argue but at a look from Murphy, she simply goes back to work.

"Actually, I was going to have Fin and Rollins go to Rikers." Benson finally manages to put a word in. "And I was going to go to Bellevue with my partner, Nick Amaro."

"You're not going anywhere." Murphy says firmly. "I understand how you feel, Sergeant, but this is not up for discussion. Rollins here can go to Bellevue with Amaro. Detective Tutuola, you go to Rikers."

Giving Liv a steady look and a slight "what can ya do" shrug, Fin heads out the door.

Murphy then turns to Benson and gives her a calm but steady stare.

"You're to stay here or at a hotel. Protection will be provided until Lewis is apprehended."

This time, Liv couldn't restrain a sigh of exasperation. "I don't need protection, Lieutenant Murphy."

"This is not your decision," he tells her, "so don't bother belaboring the point. Is that the captain's office?" He asks. "I'm going to be needing it." Murphy gestures at her to follow him into the office and closes the door.

"That phone call with Lewis." He asks her quietly. "Did he say anything else?"

"No." Liv says curtly. She's in no mood to give this man anything, even though she knows she's being petty. It's not his fault that 1PP decided to be assholes and spring this on her in the middle of a major manhunt.

"Look, Lieutenant Murphy," She tries to be conciliatory – after all, there's no use in alienating the man, "this is just temporary."

"Everything is, Sergeant." Murphy says peaceably. "Including your command here. You knew they would bring in someone new eventually. It's the nature of things."

Olivia knows he's both right and probably trying to make her feel a little less uneasy about the transition but she's not happy about it.

"Sergeant Benson," Murphy looks at her keenly, "since we're going to be working together for the foreseeable future, if there's something you need to tell me, I'd rather you be honest with me right now."

Benson decides to go for brutal honesty. From the few times she's interacted with him, she senses that he might appreciate it.

"Frankly, Lieutenant Murphy, there are a few things that are bothering me. I don't like how 1PP yanked the carpet from beneath my feet. That kind of political maneuvering is bullshit and I – and my squad – deserve better. Secondly, I don't need protection. I can do my damn job more effectively without suits trailing me. Thirdly, I'm not sure I totally trust you or like you."

"Good." He says, surprising her a little. "Honesty. That's good. Look, Sergeant, you don't have to like me and it's not surprising that you don't trust me. You've got good instincts. But we have to work together on this. We're going to be under a lot of scrutiny from 1PP and IAB and there can be no hint that we did not follow procedure.

If you were to remain in charge, there would be questions about your objectivity following each and every one of your decisions on this manhunt. This change of command is in your best interest. You might not like it but you're going to have to deal with it.

As for the protection, again, that is not your call. It's not a reflection on you and how you do your job, it is procedure and we have to follow it. I'm just following orders, as will you."

"Message received, Lieutenant."

"Then we understand each other. Good. By the way, you can call me Declan in private."

"Lieutenant Murphy?" A strange voice interrupts them from the doorway.

"Oh, there you are. Come on in." He gestures at two plain-clothes detectives.

"Sergeant Benson, I'm Detective Delano, this is Detective Carlson." He gestures at the female officer. "You are our principal."

Benson simply sighs.

…

"Benson here."

"It's Barba."

"Heard there was a shakeup today."

"Word spreads quickly when I get demoted."

"It's not a demotion, Liv."

"Then why does it feel like one?" She snaps. Then apologizes wearily. "I'm sorry, Rafael. It's been a long day already and it's just going to get longer. Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"What do you know about this Declan Murphy?"

"Not much. We don't tend to run in the same circles. I've heard he's a good cop. A little unorthodox but he's solid."

"1PP's sent him to take charge of the manhunt."

"And you're disappointed."

"Annoyed mostly. I know why they're doing this but 1PP gave me no heads up."

"Typical." Liv grins a little because she can practically hear Barba rolling his eyes over the phone. He has as little patience with them as she does.

"And they've given me protection."

"It's just procedure, Liv."

"It's fucking absurd and a waste of man-power."

"Liv, I get it but I'd rather see you alive and inconvenienced a little than back in Lewis' hands again."

Leave it to Barba to disarm her intense irritation with just one simple sentence.

"You're still annoyed, aren't you?" He chuckles.

"Hell, yes."

"Do you want some coffee?"

"I wish. The stuff in here is absolute shit and horse-piss."

"Please say no more. I'm out on the steps."

Quickly letting Murphy know she'd be back in five minutes, Olivia walks out the door to see Rafael Barba on the steps, two coffees in hand. Motioning him over to a fairly secluded alley, she grins.

"Counselor, you're a lifesaver." She says, taking the coffee with a grateful smile.

"Are you holding up all-right?" He asks, scanning her face with concern.

"I've been better." She says quietly. "I'm more concerned about the people in Lewis' way."

"You'll get him, Liv." Barba says, trying to reassure her.

"Perhaps." She says. "But how many more people are going to die before he's caught?" Frowning, she sips at her coffee. "I wish I knew what his endgame is."

"I think you already know." Barba says quietly. "And so does everyone else. He's after _you_." He looks at her reflectively. "I think it's a good thing they brought Murphy in."

"What, because you don't think I can take care of myself?" She asks angrily.

"No, because I think having an outside perspective will help." He responds quietly. "Liv, you're too close to this."

"Of course I'm too close. The fucking bastard ra…assaulted me." She stutters heatedly. "For four days. Four days, Rafael." And to her aggravation, she could feel tears close to the surface.

"Which is why they need another set of eyes. And, Liv, I think you know this." Barba looks at her sympathetically. "I know this is hard but I think you can trust Murphy."

"I'm not quite so sure." Liv mutters.

Barba touches her face. "They'll find him, Liv."

A slight smile crosses her face, despite the look of worry in her eyes. "Thanks for the coffee, Rafael."

Quickly checking for bystanders, Barba slips his arm around her and pulls her into him.

"Barba…" Liv mutters warningly but leans into him.

"Right now, I don't give a damn." He says roughly and kisses her hard, his tongue tangling with hers. For a few moments, Liv just sinks into the kiss, embracing his concern for her. After a few minutes, they both pull away, breathing a little heavily.

Heat hasn't been a problem between them.

Barba looks unflappable, like nothing's happened. He gives her a brief grin, then nuzzles her nose really quickly and kisses her one more time lightly. "Enjoy the coffee, Sergeant."

And as he walks off, for the first time in that long grim day, there's a small smile on her face.

"_How far that little candle throws his beams!_

_So shines a good deed in a weary world."_William Shakespeare


End file.
